Friends With Benefits: Is He Just Using You For Sex?

Couple Ready to Use Condom --- Image by © Rob Melnychuk/Corbis

So we’ve all been there. You meet a guy. He’s handsome, charismatic, mysterious, and can actually make you laugh. You may or may not have obeyed the “90 day rule” but the sex is nothing short of amazing.

However, lately you’ve noticed that you two have less and less in common outside of the bedroom. Or perhaps the relationship has become static. Your feelings are growing but at this point you two are clearly not together and you can’t figure out why or what to do about it.

You, my friend, have just chartered into dangerous territory-friends with benefits. Someone who he obviously loves to enjoy sexually, but shares no real ties with you and therefore not obligated to care about your feelings. (Including the fact that you want a relationship) Here are a couple of signs that he may just be keeping you around for the “na na,” aka the benefits.

  1. He Avoids Defining the Relationship: Discussing the status of your relationship with him is often a chore. He refrains from setting expectations because he knows that he has no intentions on living up to them. While you don’t want to scare someone off with talks of wedding bells and children, it is perfectly okay to state what you want from the relationship. (A friend, a potential mate, etc.) Don’t let him make you feel any differently.
  2. Every Encounter Results in Sex: Yes, the sex is explosive and yes he is irresistibly sexy. But he should also be able to enjoy your company alone. For someone who is genuinely interested in you, the “Netflix and chill” is the icing on the cake-not the entire foundation.
  3. You Have Never Met Friends or Family: These are the people he spends the most time around. If more than 6 months has passed and you still don’t know anybody close to him, chances are he doesn’t take you seriously. The less you know about him, the easier it is to terminate the relationship without any strings attached.

If these describe your current situation stop what you are doing, scroll through contacts, and erase his number PRONTO! Ultimately, this guy’s position is, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” You will never be able to change his mind and will only hurt yourself in the process….trust me. Besides, you are too awesome to settle-you sexy cow. 

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